Angelic Conversation

The heavens tore open, the angels poured out, and the shepherds were sore afraid.


I wanted to write about the tear in the heavens, the tear in Mary’s womb, the broken bread at Eucharist, the necessary brokenness of our hearts. But I couldn’t bear it. Instead, inspired by one of the CHS sisters who draws an ongoing and profound cartoon of the Holy Trinity preparing the world, I imagined this exchange among a


nervous Gabriel (G)

a worldly Metatron (M) 

and the besotted-with-humanity Holy One Blessed Be He (H)




M.   You’re spending a lot of time watching the lower skies … what are you up to?


H     Nothing.


M.    Uh oh, nothing?   Hey, Gabe – guess who’s mooning over the earth again?


G.    You’ve got to be kidding. 

        Oh, no, …. What ever happened to that nice proverb … 

             “Once bit, twice shy?” 

              Or, in your case, “mauled a million times, back for more again”


M.   Gabe, look where she’s hovering … the Holy Land again.


G.    The Holy Land.  Again????


H     Shut up.


G.    You haven’t cut back your sessions with Raphael the Healer have you? 

         Have you been doing your step-work?


H     I said shut up.  I have a job for you, Gabriel.


G.    Not me.  I’ve been in therapy now for 5,000 earth years and I’m NOT going to be co-dependant with your sick love life.


M.   Oh, this I’ve just GOT to see.


H     Gabriel, see that young girl, the homely one?  She’s looking for love.


G.     This isn’t going to be a Leda and the Swan type deal is it?


M.    I can SMELL the disaster.


H     No, this is more … complex, and interesting.  Anyway, see her?


G.    I’m not going to look and I’m not getting involved.


H      I’m going to put myself in her womb, or put my son in her womb, or, I’m going to let her sow her wild oats and have an illegitimate child – depending upon later theological developments.  But the son … he’ll be magnificent.


M.  I smell a Messiah Complex ….


H    And his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Prince of Peace


G    Peace?  Peace?  You’re insane ! You are setting yourself up for disaster! Humans and peace! 


M    Oh, my god, (s)he’s getting that dreamy look.


G    (on cell phone) Raphe!  Raphe!  Emergency.  It’s happening again. (listens) No, not me, HIM…. You can’t come?  You know how MY issues get sucked into His issues!  … and Metatron is here just feeding off the drama and making it worse.


M     As if I could make it any worse that it’s already going to be!  Pul – leeese!


G      We’ve got to talk him down?  Can you help us over the phone?

         Okay. …. (listens ….) okay.

         It’s Raphe on the other line…. 

         He says to remember how you felt after when you sent the flood

                  and you were so sorry 

         He says to remember when you tried to have Abraham kill Isaac,

                   his son, his only son who he loved

Rembrandt, Metatron Intervenes

Rembrandt, Metatron Intervenes




M      And I intervened that time! Whew. I shoulda let him just end it there.


G       He says to remember how you felt when Esau loved the local girls.

          He says to remember how you felt when the Israelites didn’t appreciate the manna


           He says, “Remember how you think it’s always going to be different!


H       She actually doesn’t look THAT homely … There’s something about Mary…


G       He says, remember how you felt about the Ba-als, and Asheterot and all the Canaanite gods.  He says remember how you felt when you had to let them be led away in chains to Babylon.  He says, “get in touch with your feelings.”  Are you getting in touch with your feelings?


M     You know, if you send your son or your self or whatever the Romans will just execute him or you or whatever …


H      I don’t care


M     By crucifixion …


H    I don’t care


G     (looking at cell phone) I lost him! He went out of range.  (he tries dialing again)


M     I suggest you go down for a few minutes, put a nail through just one hand, see how it feels and then make your decision


H     Shut up.


G       I can’t get him. 


M      Don’t expect me to intervene again.


G      Or me. I’m not going down there. 


H      Your job is messenger.  You’re going to go down and talk to that young lady…


M     The homely one? 


G      You know, the stupidest mistake in life is thinking the one who hurt you the most won’t hurt you again!


M     That IS the fatal flaw in your Creation, you know.   You’re not healthy yourself – it’s an unmanaged neurosis that makes you keep falling in love.  You’re in a narcissistic sado-masochistic dyad with humanity. 


H   Look … she’s coming back from the well – she’s by herself … Gabriel …?


M  Just remember what a whore Israel is


H (pause) …  I’m counting on it.


3 Responses to “Angelic Conversation”

  1. renata terase Says:

    hahaha! i love it! lets set up a theatre and make little plays 🙂

  2. ammaguthrie Says:

    well that would fulfill a life-long dream!

  3. Ellie Says:

    Delightful! Truly.

    I have just discovered your blog and your other site as well and I’m so glad I did. I’ll be back.

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